Post birthday reflections?

With the passing of another birthday, I've found myself becoming increasingly reflective about where I am in my life. I'm grateful to have turned another year older. At the age of 21, I learned that we aren't invincible to death's frigid touch. Losing a friend at that age was certainly a reminder of why we should live life to its fullest and not take things for granted.

Perhaps part of my reflection comes from not being where I thought I would be at this point in my life. Everyone dreams of the future and where they will be at a certain point in their life, and I’m no different. When I imagined my life at this stage, I had imagined myself with a steady job, my own apartment and perhaps a boyfriend (or at least a cat or dog). But life quickly teaches you that dreams aren’t always reality. I’m still at home, struggling to just get a diploma, in a craptastic part time job that earns me some money but is not always worth the stress that seems to come with it (a separate entry on this one will be coming soon).

This is not to say my life is not without blessings. I consider myself lucky in the things that are most important to me: I may not be rich but I live comfortably, I have wonderful boyfriend who loves me unconditionally, great friends who support me without judgment and family that I’m very close to who are super caring (although sometimes a little overprotective).

I guess I’m craving for independence. I’ve never imagined myself moving too far away from my family because of how close I am to them, but at the same time, I feel like I’m at a point in my life where I need to begin my own life away from them. A weekend at the cottage was an indication of that. The smallest indication of exerting our independence (my 21 year old cousin and myself), and we were smothered by the overbearing, heavy wings of our family. Nevermind that she and I flew to California and stayed there by ourselves for a week. A simple request to stay at the island cottage overnight, away from the overcrowding on the mainland cottage and the other 7 people and everyone acts like we’re going to get murdered by an axe wielding maniac.

My cousin and I stopped arguing with the “adults” (we will always be the “kids” no matter what age we are) after a few minutes because it was clearly a waste of energy and breath on our part. It was a battle we were not going to win. Our evening of sitting on the dock and gazing at the stars was lost to being stuck with 7 other people in an overheated cottage.

I love my family dearly, but I need to step away sometimes. When I first went into journalism, I imagined myself travelling to other countries and writing about exotic locations and the people I met. Am I sorry that that will likely never happen? Not really. I have a great group people who love and support me. But at the same time, something (or multiple things) are lacking in my life.

I need to find a way to fix this…